How Self-Care REALLY Works
The topic of “self-care” has erupted over recent years and is discussed among millennials more than any previous generation. As a society, we have become more aware of the impact of stress on our mental and physical health, causing us to shift our perspective. You may notice people urging you to “take care of yourself” as your stress level increases at work or in your personal life.
But what does “taking care of yourself” really mean?
This is a complex question, because self-care can mean many things depending on the person’s personality, current stress level and circumstances. One option is to engage in a “relaxing” activity, such as getting a massage or pedicure, or hanging at home with a movie or book. You could also think of more energizing, “fun” activities, such as going out with friends or traveling somewhere new. Physical exercise such as going for a run or a yoga class could also act as self-care. Whatever your preference, the self-care activity you chose serves to create distance from whatever is dominating the stress in your life.
But do these activities account for the full picture of self-care?
While absolutely, the self-care activities listed above are appropriate and helpful, they can sometimes feel like a temporary solution to a larger problem. A band-aid on an injury that needs surgery to heal. If your stress level is consistently high and leading to burnout, you may notice that these activities do not succeed in creating distance. You may struggle to relax, have fun, or distract no matter how hard you try to “take care of yourself.”
When stress turns to burnout, the “short term” self-care activities fall short because they are not addressing the root issue. This is where you need to begin engaging in (less comfortable) “long term” self-care strategies. These strategies work to address the root issue and help you find meaning and purpose in your experience, rather than just covering up stress with a “fun” or “relaxing” bandaid. Here are a few examples of “long term” self care strategies:
Saying “no” (especially if you usually say “yes”)
Saying “yes” (especially if you usually say “no”)
Leaving a toxic work environment
Communicating and holding boundaries in a relationship
Committing to something new and meaningful
When I was struggling with burnout a couple years ago, I made the decision to volunteer at The Wild Animal Sanctuary in Keensburg, CO. If you are not familiar with TWAS, it is the largest carnivore sanctuary in the world (yes, right here in Colorado!) They have lions, tigers, bears, wolves, etc. all rescued from abusive situations around the world. Although the decision to volunteer was initially a “short term” self-care decision (i.e. I was overwhelmed with the excitement of being in the vicinity of big cats - a childhood dream of mine), it has become a “long term” self-care decision to stay and continue volunteering my time. Although I still feel ecstatic whenever I am around the animals, that is only a small portion of the job. Other, less fun, jobs include heavy physical labor, sorting through endless piles of raw meat, or standing in bad weather for hours at a time. Some days, I don’t get to see any animals at all. Two years later, I can no longer depend on feeling that rush of excitement on a regular basis, but that doesn’t mean being there isn’t meaningful and good for my soul. As someone that struggles with commitment, it would be easy to decide I’ve had enough. But I know I will be able to look back on the experience with gratitude and pride for sticking with it.
Volunteering at The Wild Animal Sanctuary on a rainy day.
Seeing the animals free in their large habitats brings me so much joy!
Engaging in long term self-care requires Self-Awareness, Courage, and Vulnerability. It requires looking to your core values for guidance. It requires openness to sit with a little pain or discomfort. An old therapist of mine once told me, “short term discomfort leads to long term happiness.” That has always stuck with me and has allowed me to accept that life doesn’t always “feel good.” Instead of looking for how to “feel better right now” we should instead start asking ourselves “how to I become the person I want to be?”
What “long term” self-care strategies are helpful or important for you?