Be Self-Aware. Be Courageous. Be Vulnerable.

In my first blog of this series, I mentioned my mission as a therapist: to help clients develop a deep and genuine understanding of their inner world in order to connect with their authentic selves (aka intraconnection). In order to begin this journey, you must be willing to engage in self-awareness, and courage and vulnerability.

Researcher, Brene Brown, can vouch for this through her extensive exploration on these concepts. In her book Daring Greatly, she talks about vulnerability as essential for our survival, for without it we end up feeling unworthy, fearful and disconnected. She challenges the myth that vulnerability = weakness and declares it as something we must embrace, rather than avoid. She explains:

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they are never weakness. Yes, we are totally exposed when we are vulnerable. Yes, we are in the torture chamber that we call uncertainty. And yes, we’re taking a huge emotional risk when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. But there’s no equation where taking risks, braving uncertainty and opening ourselves up to emotional exposure equals weakness.”

From Brene Brown’s perspective it’s easy to see how vulnerability (or intraconnection) correlates to a fulfilled, meaningful life. However if you’re like most people, the idea of leaning into vulnerability feels like you’re going against all your instincts. This is where courage comes in. Let’s take a look at the dictionary definition of courage:

Courage noun
The ability to do something that frightens one
“She called on all her courage to face the ordeal”
Strength in the face of pain or grief
“He fought his illness with great courage”

With this definition in mind, we can admit that intraconnecting is an act of courage. We all find ways to avoid looking within - it’s uncomfortable, confusing and often downright scary. Avoidance can present itself in many forms, some examples include overindulgence in food or substances, excessive spending, decrease in school/work performance, or isolation.  But where does this avoidance lead us? We end up feeling lost, insecure, incompetent, and dependent on others for direction.

In order to intraconnect you must first find the courage to stop avoiding and intentionally walk into the unknown. Self-awareness is key here, because without it there is no possibility for change. Self-awareness and courage, together, can help you identify points for deeper exploration and make the decision to dive in and be vulnerable.

A common tool I use with my clients to gain self-awareness is to simply start noticing. This works best by writing in what I call an “intra-journal.” In this journal you can write down all your internal moments including realizations, feelings, and thoughts that come up throughout the day. Include detailed descriptions of noticed behaviors, reactions to people and situations, statements and responses you made, etc. There are no rules here, except to eliminate judgement as much as possible. Do not worry about why you thought what you thought or did what you did. Do not try to change it. Simply notice it and write it down.

Utilizing this exercise over time, you may start noticing patterns of thoughts, behaviors or interactions that are creating distress or conflict in your life. It may leave you feeling sad, angry, afraid… and vulnerable. Remember, it takes courage and practice to start exploring these feelings and experiences, so be compassionate with yourself. Having a therapist to support you in this journey is crucial, as this process can be difficult to accomplish alone. As a licensed therapist, I am trained to provide an unbiased, judgment free space for you to begin this journey. I will encourage you to explore and guide you when you are lost or stuck. Together, you can take the courageous steps to discover the light in you.

I’d love to hear your feedback on the following questions!

1. Fill in the blank:

   1. Vulnerability is ___________.

   2. Vulnerability feels like __________.

2. Can you think of a time when you courageously looked within? Think of moments where you felt something change within you and you became more connected with who you are.

P.S. If you haven’t already seen Brene Brown’s full TED talk on vulnerability, I HIGHLY recommend it. You can watch it here.