Visualizing Vulnerability
You probably do not remember how you felt taking your first steps as a child. Only knowing life on your hands and knees, learning to walk opened the door to new opportunities and risks.
At birth, our vulnerability at a high. We are completely dependent on our caregivers to feed, nurture and protect us from harm. As we grow older, we gain skills, independence and insight. But do we ever stop being vulnerable?
The moments displayed in these pictures convey a variety of emotions. The behavior of both the child and the man are likely motivated by the possibility for love and connection. They likely feel a combination of fear and excitement for what is to come. In both of these scenarios, pain and rejection are entirely possible. So why take the risk?
The need for connection is inherent in us all. It is as vital to our existence as food, water and shelter. According to the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, every child who winds up doing well has had at lease one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult*. Not surprisingly, this need for a supportive committed relationship does not end when we grow up. Maybe this is exactly why seeking connection and love is so terrifying. We simultaneously crave it and fear we will be without it. Sometimes, the fear of rejection is so great, it outweighs our motivation to seek out genuine connection. We stop being ourselves and instead be who we think others want us to be. We build ourselves an armor overtime that becomes strong and stubborn. It protects us from harm and leaves no room for vulnerability. This seems safe but comes at a cost. Because in order to experience the connection we so desperately crave, we need to allow ourselves to be seen. Deeply seen. That means taking off the armor. It means Going Within. It means exposing yourself, even though there is a risk for pain and rejection.
Being vulnerable will never be easy. Some would say it is the bane of our existence. But it is essential for a life worth living. Find small ways in your life to be more vulnerable. Share something difficult in your life with someone you trust. Say hello to someone who interests you. Assume the person next to you is also afraid and wants to be connected. We are not in this alone unless we choose to be.
* https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/15/03/science-resilience